Memories

Ini bukan apa-apa meskipun aku harus menangisinya. Jika saja bisa membeli mesin waktu dan kembali ke masa lalu. Ijinkan aku untuk melakukan hal yang seharusnya ku lakukan. Untuk semua yang telah aku sakiti. Untuk semua orang yang terluka. Juga untuk diriku sendiri yang tidak berusaha lebih giat.

Aku telah memasuki dunia yang tidak seharusnya aku tenggelam didalamnya. Dunia yang telah membawaku masuk terlalu jauh ke dalam khayalan-khayalan yang indah namun menyedihkan. Dan sekarang aku seperti orang bodoh karena menangisinya. Ayo berhenti disini, jangan sampai tersakiti oleh hal-hal yang sebenarnya tidak membuatmu terluka!

Tahun ini akan segera berakhir dan jatah hidupku menghilang sedikit demi sedikit. Aku tidak membuat perubahan berharga sama sekali. Masih egois, masih tidak bersyukur, masih selalu membangkang, selalu mengeluh, dan tidak bisa keluar dari zona yang selalu membuatku nyaman. Continue reading “Memories”

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Rest In Peace My Beloved Brother

Muhammad Taufiq Qurrahman

1995-2014

Did you still remember the time we went to kindergarten together?

Did you still remember the time when we accompany our grandfather in the hospital?

My heart was so sad when I think of the memories we shared. Like Kim Heechul who just had Leeteuk as his hyung, I also only have you as my old brother. I regret why I could not have been nicer to you earlier. I never imagined we split up like this.

I hope you can still live longer. But God is love you more. I want to stop crying until here.

I’M SO SORRY

Good night. How are you?

Today the weather is very cold. But that’s not what I want you to know.

I’ve made ​​a big mistake, isn’t? I’m the useless that had become a burden for you, isn’t it? I’m someone who can’t be what you want, isn’t? I’m someone who doesn’t know how to repay your sacrifice, isn’t it?

The world is too cruel. Too cruel for the cheap stuff like me. I feel hated by you. I am who can only be dropped, stepped on, thrown away, and ignored.

I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry with the tears coming out of my heart.

I’m sorry to have been born as your daugther. Sorry for making you give birth to someone like me. Sorry for making you give all the things that I want. I shouldn’t  have to be born into this world. I’m sorry.

I should have been erased and forgotten. But I could not stop myself from crying. It’s painful, really. Unknowingly my heart hurts alone.

I’m sorry to make you suffer. I’m sorry to make you work hard just to keep me breathing. I realized that I shouldn’t even exist. I‘m really sorry for that.

I couldn’t tell you I loved you.

I couldn’t hug you all I wanted.

When the stars fall.

Silent in the night air.

I wish I’ll disappear from your life J

 

 

Malang, 5 Juli 2014. 21.34 PM